You're on my list

i have a list
of things i
like about
you

Monday, March 30, 2009

today i had a talk with my sir online.

he gave me advices, as usual. (:

but i was really touched.

he said, he was really proud of me. that i broke away from my comfort zone, and get into Students' Council. i'm really really glad that, i made him proud.

i'm sure i made my parents and my sisters proud of me too.

though there were things that i've disappointed them throughout this nomination period, they were still willing to support me from behind. and i'm really really grateful for that.

thank you lord, for being by my side, despite feeling alone, enduring this whole process. it's not going to be easy. in fact, it's going to get tougher and tougher.

i really hope that i can continue making my sir proud, that at the end of the day, i can tell myself that, hey, leona's not only a book-worm that studies studies studies. she's also good in her cca, and she balances them well.

i really don't want to disappoint anyone. i want people to look up to me, like they used to. that i'm good in both my studies and CCA. i want to prove to them that, hey, i can do it. then i can tell them, "so can you."

i cannot feel tired and weary. i cannot lose faith. i must persevere. not for myself, but for my sir, my parents and my sisters. i want them to know that, leona's not the stay-in-comfort-zone and live on kind of person.

she's strong. she can weather through storms. she can do it.

thank you sir. you're always there for me.

leona penned down her thoughts at 12:05 AM

Monday, March 23, 2009

this is one group, that i loved so deeply, till today. but it is one group, that i'll be moving apart from it. physically.

perhaps what she said was right. our gap is too far apart already. but all i want, i all i really want, is to cherish everytime we get to be together. i'll be satisfied already.

things will change. or things have changed. 不管我又多不舍得，都留不住时间，留不住原有的感觉. 有时候心真的会不舒服. 的确是一种遗憾. 我不知道有没有人会像我这样，或者应该说，我不知道我想要跟我有同样的感觉的人会不会有这种想法.

是不是如果我们没有认识过，会更好呢？为什么缘份偏偏要让我们在那个时候相遇？是好，是坏？

他们说，世间上的事情之所以会发生，都会有它存在的意义.

我真得越来越讨厌只能拥抱回忆的滋味了.

你可不可以告诉我，到底为什么？为什么会变成这样？你，真的还是以前的你吗？你说，要我相信你，相信你从来没有改变过，是我不相信你，乱听别人的话，道听途说. 我真的宁愿选择真的去相信你. 其实我自己，也不晓得这件事有什么大不了. 可是我就是很难接受. 说我固执也好，说我想不开也罢. 我只能说，我真的，有些难过.

或许晚点认识你，更好？让我不作比较，让我单单纯纯地跟你做现在的好朋友. 有时候，友谊发展得太深，或许不是件好事. 可以说我没有信心，但是，一旦泥足深陷，最后无法自拔，或许，两个人都不好过.

真的没有什么大不了？外表不代表什么？这些改变或许都只限外表？

可能，我们太久没联络了. 但我们俩，都没勇气与彼此说话，起码是面对面地说话.

就如此搁置在一旁吗？

在你面前，我只好带着一副面具，假装很开心，很无所谓，我们彼此还是很要好. 不管你看不看得出来，我都得那样做. 不管是为了保护自己，还是不想搞得彼此变得尴尬，我想，你也明白. 我知道这样解决不了问题，但是，我真的猜不透，想不透. 自己真的多心了吗? 可能是我过分关心这份友谊了吧.

如果天意如此，何必强求？

希望，下次，会更好.

leona penned down her thoughts at 6:27 PM

Sunday, March 15, 2009

you know what? i shall stop blogging.

really stop blogging.

so people, you really don't have to bother going to my blog and read if you do.

because i realise that, i've been losing the purpose of me blogging!

you know what's my blog's name? it's happiness.

but everytime i blog? it's about emo stuff, it's about, me feeling down, sad, or making ppl sad, making ppl pissed off, whatsoever.

i really don't want to carry on doing all these in my life.

so, i declare that i won't be blogging.

till one day i know the true meaning of why i blog, why i wanted my blog to be called happiness, then i shall blog.

so, shoo.

leona penned down her thoughts at 10:47 AM

Saturday, March 14, 2009

somehow i suspect it's my own opinion, my own thinking.

am i very... "traditional"?

i don't know.

perhaps, they were already like that, when i knew them. just that i didn't see this side of them.

i guess it can only be explained in this manner.

looking at appearances may not mean everything, but it means something.

it shows the way you are, isn't it?

but it doesn't matter anymore i guess. haha, i'm just being silly, thinking that, i have probably a say to change things?

it's weird.

things get complicated. and it's contradicting for me.

well i guess, i can only say, "too bad".

leona penned down her thoughts at 12:00 AM

Sunday, March 08, 2009

wanted to announce my blog dead.

it has been a few months since i blogged.

can you imagine. i've always been a "hard-core" blogger. lol.

guess i didn't have that urge to blog whenever things happen in my life etc.

but well, tee ngik hiong made me come back and take a look at my blog.

and all of a sudden, i guess i do miss blogging. do miss, looking at my blog once in a while. 欣赏-ing my posts cause i think i write until very WHOA you know. LOL!

hai, but my posts are mostly emo. guess blogging makes me emo. and i'm determined to jump out of that.

so! may not be blogging too often i guess.

especially since i don't have much time for that. haha. i do, need to catch up on my math.

plus, i'm running for council! haha. don't know if i can get in... but even if i don't, i'll be glad that i had gain experiences; experiences of stepping out of my comfort zone, which i never wanted to, and experiences of... doing things that i guess deep down in me, i do want to pursue.

throughout this whole process, i really want to thank people encouraging me on. (:

haha, be it my school friends, my 很好很好的朋友们！ guess even if i don't mention names, yall know who you are (: , sir, and my OGLs! :D

i let people down during this nomination process. and that was probably the time i really felt, that i lost the purpose in running for council. but thankfully, god walked me through, and i'm really grateful to my family members and my team of nominees. (:

i guess i'm not perfect, but i need to really have that thinking mind. i guess i've always been lacking in it. GOSH.

haha. OKAY! change topic. reading on can make yall sian. haha. ermmmmmmmmmm... oh yes!

the group of NTUC workers had an outing to changi airport the other day. i know i was super late, but sorry! anyway, we went to eat at fish and Co. :D:D:D

the pizza's not nice though. i guess my mum bakes better than that. alot better. but it's okay. haha.

later on, had a HUGE session of camwhoring. :D:D:D

haha, super cool! and we stayed till like 1+? lol! ngik hiong and rachel were like, "eh how to go home? no more bus leh!" and we were like, "oh, really arh. then too bad lor." LOL. none of us really wanted to go home lah. didn't mind staying overnight there. but CAN'T! haha.

had lots of fun, really. :D OH AND I REMEMBER. poh chun said that that the woman who "helped" us take photos, her bag was fake. SAID SO LOUDLY. and then he ran away. like what the hell. lol.

HAHAHAHAHA. and we made him do some bimbotic poses. he seriously cannot make it. HAHA! but it's okay~ hahaha.

and ngik hiong keeps acting shy. tsk. take photos also 扭扭捏捏. HAIYO! don't care, the next outing must take 个够本! :D

so... life's not bad these few months. haha. except that i have to wake up really early. which is quite a tough task for a person like me, and i have to try and stay awake during lectures or tutorials such as econs. I'M SO SORRY! but i cannot help it sometimes. GOSH.

i tell you last friday was horriible lah. i was so tired, i tell you, wherever i go, after sitting a while i will really feel like sleeping okay! so chump lah.

haiyo.

OHOHOHOH. tell you what. if you come my house now, and into my room, you'll be AMAZED. you'll go, W-O-W? haha. aka ngik hiong's response for instance. haha.

i've got a super long table and a wide cupboard. haha.

i tell you i tell you. yesterday i went ikea to buy those stuff (cupboard etc) and i paid it with my own money. $400+ WHOO!

i tell you. this tells me what? that i can spend more of my money to 宠一宠自己okay! since i bought those stuff with my own money. haha! aiyo chump man. will die, no more savings le. haha.

sooooooooooooooooooo... shall stop here lah. hope to see my secondary school friends soon! (: shall we have a NP gathering? :D

leona penned down her thoughts at 10:38 AM